To Call or Not to Call Him?

I was out with my friend K the other night at this great four star restaurant  to have appetizers and some wine. It was a great night with an entertaining waiter and a great view of the bay. The waiter had been flirting with me but in my current state of singledom (ie I don’t really care about dating any guys right now) I didn’t notice until later. At the end of the night he gave my friend the bill and his phone number to me.

K said I should “totally call him” even if I don’t like him. He is the opposite type of guy I would normally date. He is very funny and good looking but I’m not…attracted to him. She said I should just go have fun. 4 days later I haven’t called him. I know it’s been 4 months –(and the longest I’ve been single in my life it seems!) — and it seems like I should be dating by now. This is a first with me. I usually just jump into another relationship.

I think I am so consumed with what I need to do with where I’m going career wise ect.. I just haven’t been interested. Partly because my last relationship took such a toll on me and partly because I need to focus on what I’m doing with myself first before getting involved with anyone.

So when a guy asks you out on a date and your not attracted to him should you just “go have fun” anyway?

And why don’t I feel like dating period?

Oregon Winter

I have to say the Oregon Coast does not mess around when it comes to having bad weather. When it’s bad it’s not just a little rain. There is large hail so thick it looks like snow, angry loud thunder, and lightening that lights up the sky. I went to go work out in the gym but never made it in. I sat in my car on the side of the road with everyone else on the road waiting for the weather to get better so I could leave and go back home. This of course is not a big deal to those living here but I’m a California gal whose not used to this. What can I say?

Victoria

I’m a little late in adding these photos.

I didn’t take to many pictures of Victoria I was too busy enjoying it! Even though Victoria has lots of history and museums we spent the whole time shopping! They have the cutest little clothing stores and oddly lots of shoe stores. But I didn’t spend too much. I discovered Canada is a lot more expensive than the U.S.  I had worn some cute sandals on the way over and it turns out Victoria was having a cold front and my feet were freezing as soon as we got there. I saw a Payless and thought why not get some cheapie shoes to last the day? Well, Payless shoes run between $70-150 dollars minimum.  But I had fun anyways eating at cute outdoor cafes, eating amazing food, and people watching. I didn’t want to leave.

Leaving Victoria at night.

 The Empress Hotel.

The harbor at Victoria. 

Oh Canada!

 

And a  photo of the beach in Oregon. Good to be back.

My Port Angeles/Twilight Experience

I just arrived in Port Angeles, Washington today. It was a beautiful drive through Washington and a nice day too! I am taking my mother for a mom/daughter bonding trip for her birthday. We ate and drank too much at dinner. Okay…I drank to much Merlot at dinner.  All in all it was a nice day and good to get away from the familiar and work. And the best part is I get to see where parts of Twilight were filmed. It’s not as gloomy here as it looks in the movie.

Off to Canada tomorrow!

Beautiful September

So I hear September is the most beautiful month in Oregon. Not too hot – not too cold. Perfect.

So while I am still chugging along with my dream job process I have been enjoying the outdoors while I can before the rainy season. Which includes a road trip to Victoria, B.C, Canada in a couple weeks! And Port Angeles, Washington (seen in the Twilight movie).

Victoria

But right now I am content hiking to the lake about a ten minute walk from my house. 

I love and will be sad to see the end of summer already.

A very large flower called a “Dinner Plate” I pulled from the garden.

My Path And The Email From The Ex

 My job has sort of consumed my time as I’m working 40 hours a week at what supposed to be my little-part-time-job-until-I-find-something —  and tourists wear me out —so my blog has suffered.

After receiving many rejections and some interviews I decided it was now or never and I am going for that government job and studying like mad for the written exams in August and September.  And of course I am still going to be moving to the city but fate and the economy had a different route in mind for me. It has been only two months since my move so I guess I won’t be too hard on myself for not reaching my goal yet.

I am also working out at the gym every day and am in the best shape I’ve been in for years.  I think it has made me feel more healthy and happy and I haven’t felt the latter for most of the past couple of years putting my personal health and happiness on the back burner. I alternate between toning with weights and running every other day.

I did receive one email from my Ex and nothing more since:

“B”

“I do not know where to start. First I think you moved and moved before I we could talk. I have so much that I want to share. I miss you and think of you all the time. Please call me when you get this. I LOVE YOU!”

“The Ex”

I never responded because we had the above conversation many times before. And nothing ever changed and now I’ve moved on for good. There were a few times I wanted to slip into old habits and call or email but what good could it do? But now I don’t feel like I’ll slip. I redisovered who I am –again.

Only Slightly Deflated

My first interview went well and I held my own armed with a good resume, a college degree, professionalism, and a darn nice suit. And I was totally qualified for the position I applied for- but I was told the next day that I didn’t make it to the next round of interviews. I felt deflated after that. I started to overanalyze why–was it my personality?– was it my answers? But than I realized the reasons are never ending but in the end it just wasn’t meant to be. I thought about blogger Natalie’s comment last post that  I am also interviewing them. And I didn’t quite like them all that much—very stiff and too serious. It wouldn’t have worked anyways.

Next week I have another interview at a Portland university. The position is exactly like my old job and it has a nice sounding title that would look great on my resume. But is actually only part time for the next two years due to funding difficulties and no benefits and not enough salary. Looking at my own hesitant reaction to this interview and noting I might not land the job anyways I realized some things about myself.

I’m still happy I moved here but I have a certain freedom right now to be sure of my career path and where I’m going.

It’s only been a month of job searching.

For me the working part of living in Portland is just as important as living part.

Do I really want to work in an office mostly doing administrative things?– or do I want a different career path? One that I started to pursue a few months back.  I have to do some thinking.

But for now I am working in a wine tasting room of all things here on the coast, walking on the beach alot, and working out at the gym.

Here are more pictures from my visit to Newport, Oregon.

 

The Great Job Hunt

I haven’t blogged in a couple of weeks…I can’t believe how much time has flown by!

I have been on an incessant job hunt–I think I have sent over 30 resumes so far and have one interview next week for a job I first applied for in the beginning of June.

It is such a process, I forgot. Of course, there must be many people applying for the same jobs right now in Portland. It is starting to make me feel a little worried but I guess I have to embrace the fact that this may take a while and just enjoy the down time of not having to pay rent for once!

(Random photo of leaves I took while hiking.)

During my breaks from the Great Job Hunt I have been going to the beach alot and little towns up and down the coast.

(Canon Beach, Oregon) (Really cold that day!)

(On the way back from Canon Beach where Harrison Ford and movie crew were getting ready to shoot scenes from his new movie. No pictures of that though A security guard told us to move.)

(Hiking at a State Park to a waterfall at sunset.) (Forgot the name).

Cross your fingers for me for next week! A panel of five people will be interviewing me. I won’t put too much pressure on it because I can’t control what will happen. I suppose I am just excited for the future.

P.S. Thanks fellow blogger Natalie

I Made It!

It’s hard to believe how much life can change in a week! 

                                                                                                      Beach by parents house

May 23 I graduated college and it really flew by.  I had nice time catching up with relatives and eating amazing Italian food afterwards. The next day my mother and I moved my stuff into a moving truck in an hour and a half and I was gone. I didn’t cry or even become remotly upset. We made the 8 hour journey to Ashland, Oregon and the next day another 5 hours to the coast. 

I definetly miss my indepence right now as I am living at home with my parents. I snuck away to a coffee job where I’m at right now because I felt like I was going to scream. Parents can forget your 24 years old and not 15.

I went to Portland yesterday to check out areas I want to live. I love the Pearl District of Portland. The shopping, cafe’s, the people, the apartments! I fell in love with an apartment with amazing fews of the city, old antique moldings, creaky wood floors, and a ton of character and half the rent I used to pay for my horrible apartment in the Bay Area- but I think I should get a full time job first and not the 3 part time jobs kind.

                                                                                 Pearl District Area

So It will take longer to move there but I would rather have the job security. Right now I have a temp job where I get paid very little and I miss my job security. But it is simply a means to an end.

On a side note: I can’t believe that I haven’t thought about him once. I haven’t felt the urge or desire to call him. Nor has he bothered to email me to discover what happened. For the first time in 2 1/2 years I feel good, like myself. It’s really nice not having him in my life. I am truly better off without him – I just needed to get out of the environment that fostered my emotional dependence on him. It is strange to me that I’ve had no emotions about leaving at all. I suppose I was truly done with the place.

Endings

 

                                                                                                                             Portland, Oregon

 

Funny how you dream about certain endings for so long imagining them in such a way and end up feeling totally different when they actually arrive. 

My job has ended and not without lots of tears which I swore to myself I wouldn’t do. I have this thing about not crying in the workplace but I always end up breaking it. Nearly everyone cried not once but more than twice throughout the day. My boss’s husband who has a big heart  but whom I barely know came in crying with a bouquet of flowers in a vase he made himself. Well, that did it and I let the tears go. Let’s face it, three years at a job you like with people you like gets to be comfortable. It’s like saying goodbye to friends or family. You say you’ll keep in touch but you know you won’t really. This all led to me calling my mom sobbing which I also promised myself I wouldn’t do. I almost wanted to say “haha, just kidding. I’m not leaving”.

Two weeks ago when I gave my boss my resignation he mockingly threw it away. “Your not leaving”. He stared into space cursing. He was sad to see me go. He was a mentor to me. Later that day I was finally offered that full time job that I was told I wouldn’t get because of the economy and thus helped lead me to making the Portland decision. I learned if I wanted it bad enough I would have taken it. It was never about the job, just a factor.

I’m too young to stay just comfortable. I need to challenge myself. And, really, I don’t want to wake up a year from now here. 

Today I also took my last final. I felt strange. Like perhaps I need to get a master’s degree. This student life really can’t be over yet, can it?  I’m leaving that nice structured life of a student where achievements can be marked and are constant. The real world contains a little more struggle to succeed. 

 A lot of change at once. But that’s kind of how I do things. If I’m making one huge leap why not take a couple more? I don’t feel excited right now but apprehensive.