That Didn’t Last Long…

I should not have said new love, maybe new lust? The new man is no longer in my life. He drove me insane pretty fast. And at this point in my life when I see a red flag I actually pay attention to it. He is respectful but way too uptight and debated my every little comment like a competition.. He even timed my showers and mentioned how could I possibly be clean with a ten minute shower? (It’s not my shower with my usual things in it and I was going home to take a real one anyways). And he mentioned how his ex girlfriend was evil a little too much.

So after his last uptight comment I politely kissed him on the cheek and said I was leaving. He took to his facebook to vent. And twitter. And has said nothing to me. Yes ladies, he is supposed to be 30 years old.

Not meant to be. How can someone be so different from when you meet them to a few dates later?  Good thing I made no decisions based off him.

No final decision yet on the Coast Guard, but either way I am moving Portland!

An Update….

Before I met this new guy I was already having some reservations about my career choice. On the one hand it is an opportunity  to experience adventure, financial aid because I want to get a masters degree someday, health benefits, and a new career. On the other, I won’t have any say over where I go or what I do anymore and I can’t quit. I have no idea what that lifestyle is like. However, I’m not going to give it up. But I love Oregon. Really. Yes I can always keep in touch with friends and family but I am happy here. I’m not scared of change, I’ve just already had a lot of it in my life.

I think I may do the Coast Guard Reserve instead. There are many of the same benefits but I won’t be full time and I can stay here. The idea is that I would move to Portland and work on that career I came here for. And get the benefits.

I have time to think it over. I meet with the recruiter on Tuesday to talk it over with him.

And I kept the man out of my decision. Haven’t even asked him what he thought. 100% all me.

Thoughts? Honestly.

My New Love and Murphy’s Law

You don’t know when to expect it. Yes, I met someone. 2 months before I leave for the Coast Guard.

At a Tango night with my friends, a male friend of a friend, I’ll call him G, showed up and I instantly adored him. And him me. I already have visited him in Portland where he lives. I had an amazing time. A simple thing like walking to get coffee in the morning with him in the city made me so happy.  He is incredibly stable professionally and emotionally, and open and honest. I didn’t think this species of man existed. Nor did I think I could feel this way again. It has me already questioning my cold feet about the coast guard. Not something I want to have cold feet about. And he already said no to a long distance relationship. And I said no to changing my plans.

Basically I feel incredibly torn and sad. And slightly depressed. Why after 9 months of no one in my life does he come along now? At the same time I don’t want to compromise myself. But for me love at the end of the day no matter what I’m doing career wise is important. It is a new love though.

All I can say is: crap.

ADVICE PLEASE!

Uncomfortable-ness

Since I live in a small town for right now I know a lot of everyone’s business that you would rather not know.

Well at my local gym, where my mother  and I go to to work out , we spotted a man we knew (who is married) with a female (who he is not married to) canoodling. At my job, his wife came in today and heard about our spotting and grilled me about.

I never sweated so much. I mean, I was telling her basically that her husband was cheating. He had been cheating with a lot of females and they are now in the midst of a divorce.  But it didn’t make the unexpected confrontation any better. What a weird day.

2009 Thoughts and a New Career

- 2010 will bring about a new career for me. I have been working on this happening for over 5 months (with many trips to the state of Washington)but didn’t want to say anything until I was sure it was what I wanted and that it would happen. I will be entering the U.S. Coast Guard for training at the very end of March in New Jersey! I had a lot of time to think about my career these past months and this is something I always wanted to do. What better time than now?

- This all means I have to start working out, hard. I don’t want to pass out or not finish training because my body isn’t in shape. I think this is my New Year’s resolution. January 2nd is workout and protein shake time!

- I couldn’t have gotten through 2009 without my blogger friends (you!). I was stuck in an unhealthy relationship with seemingly no end and this blog helped me make sense of my life and where I needed to go. I literally would have been lost without it.

- Moving back home with my family in Oregon is something I never could have predicted. Funny how one’s life can change in the most unpredictable  ways. But it has been healthy to heal here and learn who I am again.

- Making friends. It was so hard to make friends these last couple of years and now I have made many lifetime friends through work.  They told me exactly what they thought (whether I wanted to hear it or not) and distracted me with our girls nights out. Thanks guys.

Happy Holiday’s and Happy New Year!

Hiking in Cascade Head

The sun was finally out in Oregon so I spent my weekend walking on the beach in this cute little coastal town called Pacific City and ate at a Brewery  (and by myself too!) right on the beach.

Pacific City

Then I went on a 6 mile hike up at at a preserve called Cascade Head. It was so peaceful and quiet. I felt so happy there and my closure from the last post helped!  The photos might not be the best because of all the fog but it was so pretty! But at least I had a good workout.

Closure

So I did something that might make you shake your head and ask why? But not to worry, my actions were a very healthy experience. I contacted that Ex of mine and told him Happy Birthday so I could talk to him again because I needed closure and was still mulling over the what if’s nagging me in the back of my head. I know I shouldn’t have cared but I did.

My leaving without saying something had the desired effect. But I needed to talk to him and in the process vetted out certain lies I always thought he told me. And they were big disgusting lies which his silence and muttered excuses told me were true. I feel freed of him completely now and certain things I may have felt attracted to 6 months ago I find completely unattractive now.

So contacting him felt like a good thing now because my thoughts of him in the back of my head no longer hold the mystery they had before and had been bugging me after I left.

Quote of the Week

”Look Silas, life is just blah blah blah. You hope for blah, and sometimes you find it; but mostly it’s blah, and waiting for blah, and hoping you were right about the blahs you made. And then, just when you think you have the whole blah damn thing figured out and you’re surrounded by the ones you blah, death shows up. And blah, blah, blah…”

Andy Botwin from the TV Show Weeds

 

To Call or Not to Call Him?

I was out with my friend K the other night at this great four star restaurant  to have appetizers and some wine. It was a great night with an entertaining waiter and a great view of the bay. The waiter had been flirting with me but in my current state of singledom (ie I don’t really care about dating any guys right now) I didn’t notice until later. At the end of the night he gave my friend the bill and his phone number to me.

K said I should “totally call him” even if I don’t like him. He is the opposite type of guy I would normally date. He is very funny and good looking but I’m not…attracted to him. She said I should just go have fun. 4 days later I haven’t called him. I know it’s been 4 months –(and the longest I’ve been single in my life it seems!) — and it seems like I should be dating by now. This is a first with me. I usually just jump into another relationship.

I think I am so consumed with what I need to do with where I’m going career wise ect.. I just haven’t been interested. Partly because my last relationship took such a toll on me and partly because I need to focus on what I’m doing with myself first before getting involved with anyone.

So when a guy asks you out on a date and your not attracted to him should you just “go have fun” anyway?

And why don’t I feel like dating period?

Oregon Winter

I have to say the Oregon Coast does not mess around when it comes to having bad weather. When it’s bad it’s not just a little rain. There is large hail so thick it looks like snow, angry loud thunder, and lightening that lights up the sky. I went to go work out in the gym but never made it in. I sat in my car on the side of the road with everyone else on the road waiting for the weather to get better so I could leave and go back home. This of course is not a big deal to those living here but I’m a California gal whose not used to this. What can I say?